The Slimes of India is back again with its
Theatrics of the Numbers Game. Yesterday’s (or was it the day before?)
headlines boldly displayed that the Ragpickers’ Favourite of India was the number one
in Delhi. How informative! Then, it was followed today, by how the Dishrag of
India is the number one in Bangalore.

Yesterday’s paper devoted an entire page to its marketing strategies,
selective quotes by “eminent” personalities (the Page 3 morons) as to why they
prefer the Yellow Journal of India to wipe their asses over other newspapers. And it’s no
coincidence that those who favoured the Toilet Paper of India happened to own
companies that regularly advertised or got promoted in the Yellow
Journal.

The Managing Cretin Times Group Managing Director has
this to say about the “unprecedented swing” in favour of the Crap of
India:

A 33% swing is unprecedented, if not miraculous. It is a
testimony to our innovative, reader-relevant content and our high standards. TOI
has gone beyond convention and expanded the definition of news. At a time when
youth around the world are turning away from newspapers, we have made millions
of new readers by emerging as the voice of youth. We have constantly re-invented
ourselves to stay in touch with them. It is gratifying to see that our efforts
have been appreciated.

Innovative, reader-relevant content: 

• Page 1 and/or Headlines=Self-glorification
• Page 3=Inanities Galore
• Page 4/5/6=Times Marketing Material
• Page 7/8/9=Sponsored Editorials
• Other Pages=No one cares
• City Supplements=Soft Porn + Celebrity Shit + Who Slept with Whom

Expanded the Definition of News: See above

Voice of Youth:

Naturally. Skin + Ads + Crass Commercialism=High Youth (read: boys and girls
with overcharged hormones) Readership

High standards: 

If this is your definition of high standards, I tremble to think what the Slimes
of India would look like if the "standards" were lowered.