After blogging for days on end with some pretty heavy stuff, it feels great to take time off for precious laughter. For those who are new, ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to kindly rise and welcome with thunderous applause so we can herald the arrival of the latest weblog whose stated mission is to alleviate Indian poverty, speak up for the crores and crores who scrape out an existence, fight their way through Capitalist Darkness, educate people on the true meaning of morality, motherly love, and beauty, lead the charge against the Evil Rich, expound on Charles Darwin’s stupidities, and in general make the world a safer, poorer … err.. better place to live. Ladies and gentlemen, get up and make way for the scintillating Human Face.

The Human Face begins to blaze the trail by leading a great charge:

I have been reading blogs for a few months now and I find not many Indian blogs are saying the right things. The over-educated rich children of the middle class have become too infatuated with America and evils of materialism… Evil words like greed, profit, materialism, selfishness should be shunned.

Followed by some highly-apt observations about the dumbfucks in the Indian blogworld:

In today’s Page 3 world, maybe becoming libertarian is fashionable. So some people who call themselves a libertarian cartel keep trying to hijack debates. Everywhere they want to talk only free markets free markets free markets, as if there is no humanity left in the world. These cartel fellows need to ask themselves. has love ever been sold or bought in the market? Has a mother’s love? Has patriotism? Can unity be there on market? And beauty… who buys beauty? Most great things can not be on the market. That shows that market is very limited.

Can’t agree with these guys more! Yeah, all that the presumptuous Libertarian Cartel does is pontificate pompously on the glories of greed, money-making, trading and other insufferable cruelties. More power to the Human Face! Who needs trading? It is sufficient to exchange Humanity, Love, Beauty, Patriotism, and Unity among each other and the economy will boom as the Superior Wisdom of the Human Face tells us,

ANy two bit man can make a market. Trading is so simple. Human values are more complex. Libertarians need to understand that.

Did you get that, you Vicious Cartelians? Now I’m being just too selective and slamming the Cartel while there are infinitely Crueller bloggers whom the Human Face takes to task:

Then there are some folks who are just cruel and rude. TTG is one person who keeps abusing anyone who disagrees with his nonsense. And that psycho fellow Nilu also keeps attacking compassionate people. Where is your compassion, TTG and Nilu? Where is your human face?

Well said, HF, those guys truly deserved that, especially that psychotic Nilu, he’s beyond redemption. Now that HF has arrived down from the Heavens, he might be saved. And TTG?? His blog, most of all his tone, the language… I mean, how dirty! Sock it to ‘im HF, sock it gently for only you but you know the True Meaning of Human Face.

And then, with great courage, then the Human Face looks into other, graver problems that weigh down India. Reforms deserve all the scorn that is heaped upon it. Of course, “scorn” is a strong word to apply in the context of the Human Face but my vocab is limited:

…is what has taken place since 1991 in India ‘reform’? Has it really been “a change for the better” when there are still so many poor people in India? Has it managed to “correct abuses or malpractices” when farmers still commit suicide because the government cannot look after them? And in this age of Page 3 and celebrity culture, has there really been any “self-improvement in behavior or morals”?

An emphatic NO! The government clearly needs to interfere more take better care of the farmers and Page 3 culture? Don’t get me started. But hang on, there are other pressing issues: for example, that old dimwit Darwin who postulated puerile poppycock, the same poppycock which the free market proponents uphold. If you’re a freemarket fanatic and don’t get the connection between Darwin and free markets, head over to the Human Face:

Free markets are full of flaws because they have been based on those human qualities which are the dark ones. Think of a philosophy based on cruelty, dishonesty and hate. Free marketers may not agree but they are the basis of the philosophy. I have seen that free market supporters are also strong Darwin supporters. I like Darwin also. But we need to remember that Darwin after all wrote about animals. And we are humans. Darwin could never spot the missing link. Even today no one can show how humans exactly evolved from monkeys. So until then we can not let Darwin’s ideas of survival of fittest work in our world.

Darwin would say extinction of animals and killing of species is ok as long as it is natural. Many free marketers say that about victims of tsunami or earthquake or Katrina. Survival of the fittest? In animal kingdom, cruelty and hate do not exist because they are animals. So a lion eating up cows is not cruel. But if a strong man targets a weak man, it will be cruelty and hatred. And we as humans can not let it be so.

Free markets and reforms call for almost jungle raj. No regulation, no laws, no government, just anarchy and strongest one winning. [...] But Darwin fans reformers would want government to go away so lions can feast on cows and goats and rabbits. That can not happen.

Stronger, truer words were never written. And it takes courage. Courage as we know, comes from conviction in your ideals. And what better ideals than humanity (human face), universal love (let’s just not stop at motherly/sibling love), beauty, compassion, unity, and patriotism? The Human Face blog certainly has all these ideals, hence the courage to utter such strong words. Capitalism is jungle raj: look at the US, the epitome of Jungle Raj–absolutely no laws, no morals, MNCs eating up each other, and the whole country has slipped into anarchy. I feel terribly sorry for them that they don’t have a Human Face to lift them from the anarchical abyss they’ve fallen into. But the US’s loss is our gain: the Human Face whose courage I just lauded is clear in its intent on setting off a Revolution to clean up the current bourgeoise mess–Revolution is for the strong, the courageous and not the Parasitic Capitalists who feed off the poor.

Does he realise that as far as the bourgeois is concerned, the revolution is 150 years late? If you are going to scare them with “what will happen if they don’t”, you;ve got to show some credible threat okay? I’m sick of you “left wing” guys for whom the revolution is only a gabbar to scare little children with. “Jeb se paisa nikaal varna revolution aa jaayega”. If you have the guts, make the f****** revolution happen okay? Are you ready for the complete overhaul of the exploitative sub-structure? If no, don’t give me nonsense about sham reforms.

And oh, I forgot to add the typical class that is interested to perpetuate the present exploitative structure:

The revolution is not going to come from you people reading this blog. You have a vested interest in continuing this system.You are the ones who benefit from this whole scam. Why do you want to change it? Yes I am talking to all of you reading this blog. If you can read in English and, you have internet you are in upper middle class. Your dad was probably a bureaucrate, politician or industrialist.

Yeah, it’s coming, The Clash of the Classes. Such fun. And none of you, the Wretched Cartel or the Foul-mouthed Cruel Bloggers will be around when we’ve won the Clash; no “clean” chicken to eat, no government to protect you from bird flu, no Zero B water to drink, NOTHING. And since you guys can’t survive on love and humanly feelings, you’ll anyway wither away.

And when bird flu comes, suddenly money is flowing. Why? So the rich can each chicken? So that people like Venkateshwara Hatcheries can keep making more money? What do the poor get from it I ask. Do the poor ever eat chicken? No. The poor drink water. Crores die due to water born diseases every year.

Are rich people not ill due to bad water? No. Why not? They have bisleri, they have zero b, they have aqua guard. At costs very cheap for them they can save themselves. But bird flu is different. Bird flu can kill you even if chicken is from Raslanbhai’s poultry or from Venky’s frozen. Bird flu can kill you even if chicken is eaten in taj mahal, or in a dhaba. So the rich are scared.

A spark ignited can burn the entire city. Although humble in its beginnings, the Human Face shows tremendous troth. I hope the sane and thinking people in the Indian blogworld put them on their blogrolls and give them popularity. Make their voices heard.

As I said, we all need a good laugh from time to time.