This year’s Most Loathsome People of India Award Ceremony has arrived a month earlier. I had noted last year that people were vying really hard to outdo each other in loathsomeness and they haven’t failed to deliver. The list of awardees this year has been quite tough to compile…correction: the list was relatively painless to make but it was the ranking that got tough given the infinite hues, varieties and degrees of loathsomeness. Each one in this list is an emperor or empress in his/her own right. But then, we must do due diligence. After all, there’s a reason why hell too has a hierarchy–Satan at the top, then Mephistopheles and the rest.
You might disagree with my ranking. If you do, please tell me which new rank do you think a MoLo should occupy. Your statement should be based on sound reasoning.
Legend: 1=The Most Loathsome Indian of 2010
16. Sagarika Ghose : This
gin-lover writer of a book with an alcoholic title and alleged journalist shot to infamy a few months ago by coining a jolly new invective against ’em Bloody Yindoos: Internet Hindus. And in the excellent spirit of secular debate that she’s known to display, she spat but didn’t run for a change. Instead, she turned around and threatened ’em Bloody Yindoos with a legal notice under Section 507. Because this happened on Twitter, the Bloody Yindoos instead of cowering like they’ve done for most of the time since 1947, turned around and placed her in the permanent Hall of Shame Fame by anointing her with a new title, Aunty 507.
Sentence: Forced to learn the Bhagavad Gita by heart.
15. Mamta Banerjee: This Jayalalithaa of the East after singlehandedly driving out even the last .0000007382498327498273472349% of hope of West Bengal’s chances stepped into the bogey and embarked on a series of derailments by mere sleights of the hand. It is rumored that Progress through Inefficiency! is her campaign slogan for the next state polls. She more than justifies the Ban in her name.
Sentence: Mud-wrestling with Jayalalithaa
14. Teesta Setalvad: From the media finding “sahmat” with her “causes” initially to becoming an object best to be avoided, and/or made use of as appropriate, nothing will tame this shrill shrew. There’s only so much you can threaten your pet witnesses. Her interview on one of those turd-spouting English news channels makes for excellent training material for aspiring actors and actresses.
Sentence: Tied to the chair and made to listen to the investigation report that absolves Modi.
Congress Central Bureau of Investigation: For being reduced to worse than a decrepit cop station in a remote village whose name can’t even be pronounced. One needs to find out what material this agency’s top guy’s spine is made of if such a thing exists in the man. For now, let’s content ourselves with calling it the Dynasty’s Water-Carrier.
Sentence: Placement Assured in one of UPA’s numerous NREGA drainage-digging projects.
12. Ashok Chavan: For helping usher in yet another blow to the nation’s already-deadened ethical and emotional sensibilities and decency. Enough said. Kargil remains a symbol of fierce national pride and to do this to the wives of the amazing folks who died for us…well, at least vultures pick on the dead…
Sentence: Serve at one of the army outposts in war-torn Kashmir or some such place minus clothes or weapons. Our man like most politicians claim, lives to serve the people.
11. The Folks behind Kalmadi: The #1 positive outcome of scam-a-day UPA is that people have received immense education. Nobody seriously believes that Kalmadi could’ve pulled off a scam of such epic proportions alone. Just as the real power lies behind the throne, the folks who stole massive amounts of our money have scooted with the booty reducing Kalmadi to eat prison food. For now at least.
Sentence: Made to compete against himself in all the events in the CWG in one day. If he survives, repeat.
10. N.D. Tiwari: The 85-year old He-man who charged with full blast at not one but two beauties with his artifically-loaded AK-57 before being discharged by the top brass. One wish it could be called premature political ejaculation but he’s too advanced in the age to qualify for even that. Surely, what politicians do in their bedrooms shouldn’t be our business but there’s something called obedience to the unenforceable. All the Viagras of
Arabia America couldn’t save this ancient Congress scum.
Sentence: Hired by a business rival of Pfizer to endorse Viagra.
9. Deve Gowda & Sons: For trying yet again to hurl Karnataka right back into the Dark Ages. And they have largely succeeded this time given the paralysis that has struck the governance machinery. This man must be the #1 politician in India to conduct a record number of havans and yagnas and poojas and the vilest of them all. His younger son, not as wily as the father, though has largely remained loyal to the
family party ideology. He didn’t make it to last year’s list but was ranked 11 in 2008.
Sentence: Same as in 2008: Kumaraswamy should join the RSS.
8. H R Bharadwaj: New entrant. Dynasty loyalist. Had served in UPA-I chiefly as the Family Dung Cleaner. Has proven to be worse than Deve Gowda–yes, it is possible. In many ways one of the architects of trying to pull down the BJP government in the state. Behaved like a high school bully. Ever since tarnishing the Governor’s seat, has gone around the state hurling abuses at Vice Chancellors and interfering in day-to-day administration of the state.
Sentence: Made president of the JD(S).
7. Media: The entire troop of English language media, a.k.a Mainstream Media, a.k.a. MSM, has accelerated its plumbing the lowest of depths and disovering that it’s not low enough and plumbing more and more. The CNN-IBNs, NDTVs, Indian Expresses, the (anti)Hindus, the Headlines Todays and Times of Indias of the world have shown that they’re mere organs of the overarching Congress Parthenium Family. The Crown Prince smiling becomes breaking news. The Queen Mother’s Serious Silences are interpreted as deep and meaningful. Give them some more time and O.V. Vijayan’s fictional picture of the King taking a dump will soon become Breaking News. From peddling absolute lies to abusing the judiciary on the Ayodhya verdict to openly supporting terror tactics in Kashmir, the media has done it all until the Next Big Thing at 9.
Sentence: Public flogging.
6. You: You are loathsome. For getting addicted to fast-food news. For scratching the surface. For willingly sacrificing your faculties to distinguish between opinion and fact. For dimissing our heritage. For thinking patriotism is just another word in the lexicon. For elevating phonies. For putting Big Boss at higher priority than the EVM fraud. For not voting. For not bothering to think that YOU don’t have an identity. For not stopping to think what that means. For evaluating a government’s performance on the basis of how long it allows bars and pubs to be open. For being at the mercy of bureaucrats. For thinking that it’s somebody else’s job to clean up the mess. For being what you are. Lazy. Spineless.
Sentence: You deserve what you’ve gotten. Get greater doses of it.
5. Burqa Dutt & Vir Sanghvi: There’s a tie for the 6th place. Jointly awarded to Burqa Dutt and Vir Sanghvi in light of the leaked tapes that showed what we all always knew. That they’re on the payroll of the secular party. Listen to the tapes here and here. Saying that the tapes are shocking is stating the obvious. Here are two journalists whose names more than 85% of India doesn’t know but who have been part of a sleazy brokering deal that has a direct impact on the lives of this 85%. The former known for his self-righteous pontifications on pretty much everything from Hinduism to decency in public life, governance, etc. The latter is known for her…err…the list is too long.
Sentence: Tie Burqa to a wooden post on top of one of the mountain peaks in Kargil with her mouth stuffed with a mike. Feed Vir with Aminocaproic Acid at five-minute intervals.
4. Manmohan Singh: Has slipped down in the rankings from #2 last year. Apart from retaining his consistent record for being a Spineless Wonder since UPA-I days, he has nothing much to show this year. The Puppet hasn’t learnt new tricks in 2010 to our infinite disappointment. His silence on Kalmadi and Raja among other things are part of the same Old Tricks Department. Of course, he gets his current place because he’s the Pri…err…who is he again?
Sentence: You can’t teach an old puppet new tricks. Sentence suspended until next year.
3. Sonia Gandhi: The Silent Queen. St. Sacrifice. She whom the media and loyalists won’t question. She whose activities are as mysterious as are the ways of God. She to whom the entire nation has mortgaged its present and future to. She who can do no wrong.
Sentence: Dare we sentence God herself? Did you notice, I’m being gender-neutral here.
2. Rahul: He the Chosen One. He the Heir Apparent. He the Crown Prince. He who was born educated and accomplished and hence in no need of the kind of education that ordinary mortals go through, and hence all questions about his academic degree are not only nullified but are irrelevant, immature, immaterial, inconsequential, impertinent, and above all, indecent. One doesn’t question the Child of God. One submits and accepts. He merely smiles at university campuses and the media across the country writhes in throes of orgasm. He lends his hand to an NREGA project and the homes of the teeming millions of the rural poor are lit. He draws a line on paper and lo! Arunachal Pradesh suddenly belongs to India. He sighs with deep longing and the media launches a massive bride-hunt for him. He equates a fiercely-patriotic organization to a terrorist outfit and it better become The Truth, not even Gospel Truth for He Be the Child of God. The Prime Minister in Waiting. Bharat is blessed with this two-bit dunce.
Sentence: Sent to spend a week at a SIMI terror training camp.
1. A Raja: No man was more appropriate both literally and in every other sense to don the hallowed Mantle of the Most Loathsome Person of India, 2010. Raja or King. And an “A” to boot. A-grade. A-class. A-1. A-Raja. King of Kings. The Presiding Deity of the most mammooth scam in the history of Independent (?) India. A powerhouse who has agglomerated within himself the best practices of Bofors, Telecom, HDW Submarine, JMM, St. Kitts, Fodder, Hawala, Madhu Koda, and CWG. He has set a record that few can even hope to attain let alone exceed. The CWG scandal looks like peanuts in comparison. Kalmadi and his masters must be hiding at the bottom of some deep, dark well struck by a severe bolt of inferiority complex. Above all, Raja must be commended for having pulled off what even the Puppet Minister couldn’t. After spending 700 Crores wining and dining and entertaining “Hope” and “Change,” our PM managed to extract MoUs worth a paltry 50,000 Crores while his junior minister, a virtual Nobody who stole 170000 Crores under his very nose.
Sentence: Reopen the Andaman Cellular Jail, lock him up, and throw the key away.
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